Settling in at preschool — how to help your child take this important step

The first day at preschool is a big event — not only for the child, but for the parents too. Tears at goodbye, uncertainty, missing each other — these are natural emotions that accompany this transition. The good news is that settling in is a process that can be wisely supported. And at Accademia dei Piccoli we do this with great care and experience.

Settling in is a process, not an event

The first and most important thing to understand is that settling in does not happen in a single day. It is a process spread over time — for some children it takes a few days, for others a few weeks. The pace is individual and depends on many factors: the child’s temperament, their previous experiences of separation, their relationship with caregivers and even how the parents themselves experience this time. John Bowlby’s attachment theory explains why separation from a parent is such a strong experience — and why a secure bond is the key to settling in well.

The worst thing you can do is compare your child with others: “Zuzia didn’t even cry on her first day, and my Kacper is still saying goodbye in tears in the third week.” Every child has their own pace and their own way into a new place. Kacper is not “worse” — he simply needs more time to feel safe. And that is fine. Some children need a longer period of observation before they feel safe enough to take an active part in group life.

How to prepare your child

It is worth starting to prepare for preschool a few weeks before the first day. Talk to your child about preschool in a positive but realistic way — don’t promise that “it will be great”, because that builds unrealistic expectations, but describe what awaits them: new friends, games, the sandpit, the teacher who will look after them. You can also read books about the first day at preschool together — children’s literature offers many great titles on the subject.

If possible, visit the preschool together before the school year starts. At Accademia dei Piccoli we organise open days, when families can see our spaces, meet the teachers and get a feel for the place. For a child such visits are invaluable — when they come “for real”, the place is no longer completely unfamiliar.

It also helps to practise the routine: getting up in the morning, dressing on their own and eating meals at set times. The more elements of the new everyday life are familiar to the child, the more gently settling in will go.

Goodbyes — short and warm

For many parents the morning goodbye is the hardest moment. The child cries, clings to your leg, calls “don’t go”. Your instinct says: stay, hug, wait. And although a hug is important, dragging out the goodbye usually makes things worse.

The best goodbye is short, warm and predictable. Create your own ritual: a hug, kisses, “I love you, I’ll be back after lunch” — and leave. Consistently, calmly, with a smile. Children read their parents’ emotions like an open book — if they see fear and sadness in your eyes, they get the message: “this place is dangerous”. If they see calm and confidence, they feel: “if mum is calm, I can probably stay here”.

Tears are not a failure

Many parents feel enormous guilt when their child cries at goodbye. “Maybe it’s too early?” “Maybe I’m hurting them?” It is worth knowing that crying at separation is a completely natural and healthy reaction in young children. It means the child has a strong bond with their parents — and that is a good thing. Developmental psychologists even say that a total lack of reaction to separation can be more worrying than crying.

In the vast majority of cases the crying stops a few minutes after the parent leaves. The child gets involved in play, connects with peers and teachers, and forgets their sadness. At Accademia dei Piccoli our teachers know very well how to accompany a child in these difficult moments — they hug, comfort and suggest a favourite game. They never dismiss the child’s emotions (“don’t cry, big children don’t cry”), but they don’t reinforce fear either. They are simply there — warm and steady.

How to support settling in at home

Afternoons and evenings during the settling-in period are just as important as mornings. After preschool a child may be tired, irritable or extra clingy — that is normal, because they have been processing new impressions all day. Give them space. Don’t bombard them with questions: “what did you do?”, “who did you play with?”, “what did you eat?”. Young children cannot report on their whole day on demand.

Instead, simply be there. Hug, play something calm together, read a book. In the evening, at bath time or before bed, the child will start telling you things on their own — about a new friend, about the teacher with the pretty necklace, about a beetle in the garden. These spontaneous stories are worth more than a forced interview.

What does settling in look like at Accademia dei Piccoli?

With us, settling in follows the child’s pace, not the calendar. For the first few days a parent stays with the child in the room — the child gets to know the teachers, the other children and the space while having a safe base beside them. Then the time apart is gradually extended until the child feels confident with us.

Throughout this period we stay in close contact with parents — we talk not only about what happens at preschool, but also about what you notice at home. You will find answers to other questions in our FAQ, and if you would like to talk about your child’s settling in, get in touch with us.

It will pass — and it will be wonderful

Settling in can be hard, but it is temporary. After a few weeks most children walk into preschool with a smile, greet their friends and get straight into play. Those first difficult days quickly become a distant memory, replaced by beautiful moments — new friendships, discoveries and adventures. At Accademia dei Piccoli we do everything we can to make this process as gentle as possible — for children and parents alike. Because we know that trust is built slowly, step by step, and there are no shortcuts.

Sources and further reading

• Bowlby J., Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment, Basic Books, 1969.
• Ahnert L., Gunnar M.R., Lamb M.E., Barthel M., “Transition to child care: associations with infant-mother attachment, infant negative emotion, and cortisol elevations”, Child Development, 2004, 75(3), pp. 639–650.
• Edwards C., Gandini L., Forman G. (eds.), The Hundred Languages of Children: The Reggio Emilia Experience in Transformation, 3rd ed., Praeger, 2012.

About the author

Katarzyna Jaszczuk

Methodological Director of Accademia dei Piccoli preschool in Kabaty. She is responsible for the Reggio Emilia-based curriculum, pedagogical documentation and supporting teachers in their daily work with children. Meet our team

Read also: The parent’s role in the Reggio Emilia approach — partnership instead of delegation · Multilingualism in young children — why it pays to start as early as possible

Would you like to see what this looks like at Accademia dei Piccoli?

You are welcome to visit our preschool in Kabaty (ul. Ekologiczna 4). Book by phone: +48 606 125 126 or by email: kontakt@piccoli.pl. You will find answers to the most common questions in our FAQ.